The Nightmare Before Boxing Day (a poem)

"It's not what it looks like, officers, I swear! I wasn't sending spam, I just needed to share my deals with everyone! Ho ho holy night what have I done?!" [cue Santa sobbing into his beard]

Poor Kris Kringle!

'Twas Monday morning
and throughout the support queue,
customers like Santa
didn't know what to do.

His "12 Days of Deals" campaign
started off strong,
with high open rates
and clicks all week long.

But on day 7,
there arose such a clatter,
he logged into his ESP
to see what was the matter.

The opens, they fell,
while the spam complaints grew.
What could be wrong?
Only the deliverability team knew.

I looked at his stats,
and saw something amiss.
He accidentally sent
to his ENTIRE LIST!

Not just subscribers or app users,
oh no!
He even included
an old list from a trade show!

Before we could stop it,
the email was sent.
The only thing left to do
was see how Tuesday went.

This one would do better,
of that I was sure.
Santa cleaned up his list,
that was the cure!

With careful targeting and engaging copy,
the next campaigns fared better,
though results were
still choppy.

It took him all month
to recover inbox placement,
and ol' Santa spent that time
crying in the basement.

"Next year will be better!",
Saint Nicholas said,
as he gave me a wink
and patted my head.

"I'll use double opt-in,
I'll prune old contacts!
I'll have a preference center,
and maybe some snacks!"

"Don't get carried away now,
Mr. Claus!", I said.
"Best practices are great, but
subscribers don't need to be fed."

We shared a laugh,
and a cookie or two.
Then he hopped in the sleigh,
and away he flew.

Let this be your lesson,
while I have you here.
Deliverability best practices
are important all year!

(Inspired by A Visit From St. Nicholas.)